I have been to a lot of weddings. 

A lot! And I can count on one hand the number of times an officiant did not read, in full or in part, from 1st Corinthians 13, the Love Chapter.

What is commonly called the Love Chapter in the Bible. You know it. You have heard it so many times you could probably mouth the words along with the reader.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Romantic, right?

Everyone nods.
A few people cry.
The couple smiles at each other.
And then we all move on to the reception.

Here is my question, the one I have been sitting with for fifteen years of working with couples: what if we actually listened to the advice in the Love Chapter?

Not as poetry. Not as a wedding tradition. But as a practical blueprint for what a wildly successful marriage actually requires. That’s day in, day out, when the romance has settled into real life and your mate is driving you absolutely crazy.

Because that is exactly what it is.

Love Is a Decision, Not Just a Feeling

Read those verses again. Slowly this time.

Notice something? Nearly every word is an action. Patient. Kind. Protects. Trusts. Perseveres. This passage is not describing an emotion. It is describing a series of choices made consistently over time. That is the part we tend to gloss over at the wedding.

Strong, healthy marriages are not built on the feeling of love alone. They are built on the practice of it. And this passage, whether you approach it from a faith perspective or simply as timeless wisdom, lays out that practice with remarkable precision.

Let’s walk through it, not as a scripture lesson, but as a marriage strategy.

Patience: The Long Game 

Love is patient.

The original word here means something closer to long-suffering. It’s the willingness to bear with difficult people in difficult moments without losing your composure or your commitment. Your mate will frustrate you. They will disappoint you. They will have habits that make you question everything.

Patience is the decision to stay present anyway. To remember that you have imperfections too, and that your mate has extended you the same grace more times than you have probably noticed.

The question worth asking: where does your patience run out with your mate. And what is that costing your marriage?

Kindness: Patience in Motion

Love is kind.

Kindness is not just the absence of cruelty. It is the active, intentional choice to find ways to be useful to your mate. Ways to meet a need before they ask, to show up in ways that say I see you and I am for you.

Kindness is patience expressed through action. It does not require a grand gesture. It requires attention and noticing what your mate needs and deciding that meeting that need matters.

Envy and Boasting: The Subtle Ones

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

These two tend to sneak into marriages quietly. Are you secretly competitive with your mate? Envious of their ease in an area where you struggle? Do you find yourself elevating your own contributions while quietly minimizing theirs?

Love cheers for your mate’s success without keeping score. It builds up rather than positioning for advantage. The moment a marriage becomes a competition, both people lose.

The Record You Keep

It keeps no record of wrongs.

This one is worth a full stop.

Many of the couples I work with are excellent record keepers. They have detailed mental files that are organized, cross-referenced, ready to present at a moment’s notice. Every misstep catalogued. Every disappointment preserved.

That ledger is not protecting you. It is preventing you from moving forward. Love does not mean pretending wrongs never happened. It means choosing not to weaponize them. There is a significant difference between acknowledging hurt and using it as ammunition.

Toss the ledger. Or at minimum, stop adding to it.

 

Protection and Trust: The Ones We Often Overlook

It always protects, always trusts.

Love protects the reputation and integrity of your mate, including in conversations they are not part of. Venting to friends, recruiting allies, building a coalition against your mate is not processing your feelings. It is erosion. Every time you do it, you chip away at the foundation you are supposed to be standing on together.

Trust, meanwhile, does not mean naïveté. It means choosing to believe the best about your mate until you have clear evidence otherwise. And not cross-examining them like they are already guilty of something.

The question worth sitting with: do you speak about your mate in public the way you would want them to speak about you?

 

Hope and Perseverance: The Long View

It always hopes, always perseveres.

Short-term thinking is one of the most common things I see damaging marriages. When things are hard, the instinct is to zoom in on the difficulty and lose sight of the larger picture. The big picture is the person you chose, the life you are building, and the investment you have already made.

Hope is the long view. It is the refusal to let a hard season become the final verdict on your marriage.

Perseverance is the willingness to keep showing up. Not because everything is perfect, but because the relationship is worth the effort.

Nothing kills a marriage faster than two people who both stop trying at the same time.

 

So, Are We Listening?

The next wedding you attend, when the officiant opens that familiar passage, I want you to hear it differently. Not as tradition. Not as decoration for the ceremony.

Hear it as a list of decisions you will need to make. Make repeatedly, imperfectly, and on purpose. For as long as your marriage lasts.

Because that is what it actually is.

It is better to have a tough conversation than a tough situation. And sometimes the toughest conversation is the one you need to have with yourself.  How well you are actually practicing the love you promised?

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