There is a woman in my world named Lara who gives the absolute best hugs I have ever received. Our family has officially made a “Lara Hug” as a proper noun.

When Lara hugs you, she puts down whatever is in her hands. She uses both arms. She does not pat you on the back or fill the silence with words. She simply holds on fully, warmly, without rushing. And a Lara Hug can last a full twenty seconds. When it is over, you feel like all is right with the world, or at least like it will be.

I have, on occasion, told my husband after a difficult day that I need a Lara-Sized Hug. He knows exactly what I mean. And tries his best to deliver.

Recently, my grown niece told me something that stopped me in the best way. She said that when she is coming to visit, one of the things she most looks forward to is getting a Ms Kim Hug. And that she could really use a Ms Kim Hug sometimes when things are hard.

I did not know I had become someone’s Lara. But I want to be. I really, really want to be.

That is what a genuine, fully-present hug does. It registers. It lingers. It becomes something people name, return to, and carry with them.

And it turns out the science explains exactly why.

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What the Research Says. Seven Reasons Hugs Matter

 

1. Hugs Build Trust and Reduce Fear

When you hug someone, your body releases oxytocin. Oxytocin is sometimes called the bonding hormone. It reduces cortisol, which is your primary stress hormone. The physiological result is a measurable reduction in blood pressure and the fear response, along with an increase in generosity, compassion, and trust.

This is not metaphor. A heartfelt hug produces a biochemical shift that makes you feel safer and more connected to the person holding you. It is natural medicine and it’s free, immediate, and available in every relationship you have.

 

2. Hugs Elevate Mood

Beyond oxytocin, hugging releases serotonin and dopamine. These neurotransmitters are associated with wellbeing and pleasure. Anxiety, depression, and distraction all tend to reduce in the aftermath of genuine physical connection.

Research on oxytocin deficiency in animal studies found links to depressive behavior. The inverse is equally supported. More oxytocin, through physical touch and connection, corresponds with better emotional regulation and elevated mood. This is part of why campaigns like the Free Hugs Campaign and Free Hug Project resonate so widely. The effect is not just sentimental. It is chemical.

 

3. Hugs Work Across Every Age and Stage

The need for physical connection does not diminish with age. It may shift, but it doesn’t go away.

Children raised without sufficient physical affection show measurable differences in their ability to bond and form secure attachments compared to children raised in affectionate environments. The research on early touch and development is extensive and consistent.

At the other end of the spectrum, older adults who receive regular physical touch, even light contact, report feeling less lonely, sleeping better, and experiencing greater overall wellbeing than those who do not. One program for elderly care residents found that those who received hugs or gentle touch more than three times daily showed significantly better outcomes than the control group.

Physical connection is not a luxury at any age. It is a genuine human need.

4. Hugs Reduce Fear and Build Courage

Research has found that hugging and physical touch can reduce fear responses, including existential fears, and increase self-esteem. Even hugging a comfort object showed measurable effects in studies, which speaks to how fundamental the mechanism is.

Hugs of twenty seconds or longer produce a particularly significant hormonal response, releasing oxytocin, cortisol reduction, and norepinephrine in combination that can lower pulse rate by up to five beats per minute. The body literally calms down. The nervous system settles. And, the best part is that the person holding and being held both benefit.

There is a reason we reach for each other in the hard moments. The body knows what the research has since confirmed.

 

5. Hugs Strengthen Relationships of Every Kind

The research on couples consistently shows that those who hug more frequently report higher relationship satisfaction and tend to stay together at higher rates than those who do not. Studies from the University of North Carolina found that couples who hugged more had measurably lower blood pressure, which is considered a physiological marker of reduced stress and greater wellbeing.

But this does not apply only to romantic partnerships. The bonding effect of physical touch extends across family relationships, close friendships, and community connections. The hug between a parent and adult child. The embrace between friends who have not seen each other in months. The physical warmth that exists in communities where people show up for each other in embodied, present ways. Not just digitally.

Hugs are one of the most direct expressions of genuine care available to us. And they produce effects in the relationship that words alone cannot replicate.

 

6. Hugging Is an Art Worth Practicing

Not every person is comfortable with physical contact, and a truly good hugger knows this. The best hugs are offered, not imposed. They read the other person, noticing their body language, level of comfort, and their particular needs in that moment and they respond accordingly.

A hug that is unwanted is not a hug. It is an intrusion. A genuinely great hugger (a Lara) is someone who makes you feel safe before you are even in their arms. Who signals warmth and care without presumption. Who would never make you feel obligated to receive something you did not want.

If you want to become someone’s Lara, start with presence and permission. Put down what is in your hands. Use both arms. Do not rush. And pay attention to what the other person actually needs. Not what you assume they need.

The hug that is remembered and becomes a proper noun is the one that was fully given.

 

7. Hugs Have Physical Health Benefits

The research on oxytocin and physical healing is significant and growing. Studies have found links between oxytocin and reduced inflammation, faster healing from injury or illness, pain relief, and even muscle regeneration, including heart tissue.

Couples who communicate positively and maintain physical connection have been found to heal from wounds faster than those who do not. This is not incidental. The body responds to genuine connection in ways that affect its physical functioning, not just its emotional state.

Hugging, like meditation, like laughter, like genuine rest is not separate from health. It is part of it.

 

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The Lara Standard

Eight to ten hugs a day is the threshold some research suggests for genuine thriving. That sounds like a lot until you start paying attention to how few most people give and receive on an ordinary day.

Some people in your life are probably Lara-level huggers already. If you have one, you know it. Because their hugs have a name.

And some of the people in your life may not be getting enough. The friend who lives alone. The family member going through something hard. The colleague who seems fine but who’s fine is doing a lot of work. The child or adult child who mentioned once, casually, that they could use a Lara or Kim Hug.

You can be that for someone. It does not cost anything. It takes twenty seconds. And it produces effects, in both of you, that the science has spent decades trying to fully explain.

Give the good hugs. Put down what is in your hands. Use both arms. And embrace.